


The Great Star Heist

by WingedFlight



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Heist, Holiday Season, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21908779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingedFlight/pseuds/WingedFlight
Summary: While Artemis Fowl has been known to accomplish increasingly impossible tasks, it seems highly unlikely that he would later decide to travel back in time to retrieve a priceless Christmas star ornament from the home of Jon Spiro.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34
Collections: Artemis Fowl Yuletide





	The Great Star Heist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katjedi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katjedi/gifts).



**_Excerpt from LEP Human Case File 3012: The Great Star Heist_ **

_No one has ever claimed responsibility for the Great Star Heist. Not officially, at any rate. Rumour has it that the escapade was just another brainchild of notorious human criminal Artemis Fowl II._

_These rumours are completely incorrect._

_Artemis Fowl did not execute the Great Star Heist for the simple reason that it occurred in December of 2004 when the human was otherwise occupied making his way back from Limbo with an island full of demons in tow. And, while Fowl has been known to accomplish increasingly impossible tasks (such as the aforementioned Limbo incident), it seems highly unlikely that he would later decide to travel back in time to retrieve a priceless Christmas star ornament from the home of then-incarcerated Jon Spiro._

* * *

“We have to go back in time to retrieve a priceless Christmas star ornament from the home of Jon Spiro.” 

Far below the earth’s surface, Holly froze. 

She’d been having a perfectly normal morning, thank you very much. No work today, which meant a leisurely extra half hour in bed, followed by a cup of sim-coffee and an ebook in her favourite armchair. Until the door to her guest bedroom swung open and Artemis said… that. 

“Jokes are supposed to be funny,” she said, as the human ducked to pass through the doorway. “But well done for trying. Keep up the good work.” 

He gave her a _look_ , and then held up his tablet.

Holly blanched. “I swear to Frond, if you tell me that Spiro stole a star from you as well the Cube…” 

This was supposed to be an utterly ordinary holiday. Artemis’s parents had elected to go skiing in the week preceding Christmas, and the twins had gone along. Artemis had decided to travel belowground to visit friends instead. He’d given Butler the week off on the promise of staying under Holly’s watchful eye. The elf had then booked the week off from work and informed her boss in no uncertain terms that, bar a world-ending crisis, she was not to be contacted. 

She really should have guessed that Artemis would get bored and dig up trouble. 

“Technically, this isn’t my fault at all,” he began--a terrible sign, “Except that Jon Spiro’s psychotic break could probably be traced back to the Cube incident. Which is why I feel slightly responsible for any potential trouble he may cause.” 

“And the star is going to cause trouble?” 

“The star is going to cause a _lot_ of trouble.” 

This was just getting better and better. “How exactly is a Christmas star going to cause trouble, Artemis?” 

* * *

This was the exact same question asked no less than twenty minutes later when Artemis and Holly had found their way to a certain centaur's house. They’d called his Ops Booth first, only to be told by an intern that Foaly had also taken the day off. He’d failed to answer his home phone, and he wasn’t exactly pleased to open the door to find the pair on his doorstep.

“Is the world ending?” he asked first, and only allowed them over the threshold after Artemis promised that they wouldn’t need Foaly for the world-saving itself, just a quick piece of information. 

“We need to know where No. 1 is,” Holly explained. And then, even though he professed to be utterly uninterested in knowing the details, Foaly proceeded to interrogate her until the whole story came out. 

“A Christmas star,” he sighed. “I suppose there’s a bomb inside it or something?” 

Holly looked to Artemis, only to find that he had disappeared. A quick search revealed him sitting in the living room surrounded by Foaly’s three children. The foals were all giggling maniacally as they decorated his face with swirls of finger paint. 

“Younger brothers have taught me patience,” he said with a shrug. “Foaly, do you have No. 1’s location or not?” 

The centaur whinied guiltily. “He’s been so busy these last few winters that he’s hardly had a chance to let loose and play around. And he’s been dying to see the snow. And then he heard that your family would be in the Alps--” 

Artemis was suddenly a good deal less nonchalant. “My family. The Fowl family. That family?” He leapt to his feet, startling one of the baby centaurs into spilling a bucket of paint all over his previously-pristine patent leather loafers. 

“D’arvit,” squeaked the foal. 

Foaly’s ears swivelled. “What did you say? What did she say? Artemis, if you taught my children to swear--” 

But Artemis and Holly were already gone. 

* * *

No. 1 was having the time of his little demon life. Currently bundled in a white one-piece snowsuit and looking like nothing so much as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’s offspring, he was learning from the experts how to craft the perfect snowball. 

“The deeper snow is better,” Beckett was saying, “It’s pushed together more.” 

“Roll it like so,” Myles continued, “The circular motion of your palms will help fuse the snow together.” 

“And then you _throw it_.” 

“Don’t listen to Beckett. You need to set the snowballs aside--the heat from your hands will have added some moisture that will freeze and better solidify the exterior of the snowball--” 

Both boys were demonstrating their methods. Myles’ collection of snowballs were perfectly spherical; Beckett’s were more haphazardly shaped but no less serviceable. No. 1’s attempts were much more irregular, and he had the feeling they’d crumble apart as soon as he picked them up again. 

He glanced at the twins, both intent on their own creations, and then snuck a zap of magic into the pile of snow before him. The snow pulled together into a pile of perfect balls. 

“Wow, you’re getting the hang of this!” said Beckett. 

“Masterfully done,” agreed Myles. 

“I saw that,” said a still multi-coloured Artemis, looming up over the three of them.

* * *

“You want me to do what?” No. 1 said again. He’d joined Artemis and Holly in a corner of the lodge, his snowsuit discarded on the floor. Artemis had positioned himself partially behind a large, decorative Christmas tree to avoid being spotted by his parents. 

Still not quite believing she’d agreed to this whole thing, Holly told him, “Send us back in time.”

“See, that’s what I thought you’d said.” No. 1 scrunched his nose. “Except I’m not supposed to do that anymore. And, um, why?" 

“It won’t be for long,” said Artemis, ignoring the question. “I know exactly where it will be. We go back, grab the star, and leave again. Interact with no one. Save the world again. A perfect plan.” 

“That’s exactly what you said about the lemur,” Holly pointed out. Artemis ignored this, too. 

No. 1 was thinking hard. “I suppose I did promise Qwan to keep practicing my magic during the holidays. This could count as practice.” 

That was all they needed.

* * *

**_Christmas Star Miraculously Reappears_ **

_Early this morning, residents of New York were shocked to awaken to a true Christmas miracle: the anonymous return of the priceless Golden Star._

_Created by the late artist Delphine Paradizo, the Golden Star was stolen in 2004 from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Despite a rigorous police search, few leads were uncovered; the leading theory was that the Star had fallen into a black market private collection. Nothing more has been heard on the matter until the early hours of this morning when witness reports began making their way to social media of a “bright gleaming star” that had replaced the usual ornament on the decorated Christmas tree outside the museum._

_No one knows where the Star has been nor how it has made its way to the tree’s top. One witness claims to have seen the Star “fly right across the sky and settle on the tree all on its own.” And while police are interested in talking to any additional witnesses who may have further insights on the matter, this reporter chooses to simply embrace this holiday magic for the gift that it is._


End file.
